adrift..

For the second time in my life I'm in total blunder and lost in the sea of emotions. I have no appetite to eat, i eat for the sole reason that this cursed pile of flesh and blood requires it and torments me if i do not accomprehend. I lost all sense of purpose and the erruptness of the situation hangs me by a chokehold of void. I feel like a robot that has been replaced by a newer faster model, and by all means I am to be stored, prep down and melted back into a state of elements.

It reminds me of how i even got to recover the 1st time it happened. I was rejected in a triangle fight and the reasons i lost, battered me more than the defeat itself. Into exile i went, banishing myself to lick my wounds like a wounded creature. Weeks and months went pass, loneliness feeds on my soul. Even with all the reasons to feel even a hint of happiness on going for a holiday to a foreign land, with so many new things to explore and see, i felt none.

Jess. That was all i remember of a little young lively girl that place back the happiness in my heart. Silky hair, smiling face all the time... Seeing natures beauty in its purest form, the innocence and trust of a girl in me, gave me a reason to feel needed, stuffed me back with a reason, a purpose. Her words are sweet, childish and humourous at times. I envy her dad, she has got a beautiful charming daughter. That holiday was the most meaningful holiday i ever had, being taught a lesson straight from a girl not even at the brink of youth.

Yet now i am adrift again...

The sea is ever dark, staring into its depths only serve to remind me how this can all end if i just fall in. The sky stirs, cloudy dark skies approaches in the east. Set adrift on a raft of timber and vines, the sight stretches far and wide around me, and i feel as if I'm at world's end...