-Dedicated to my love-
Her hair was neatly tied into a ponytail, puffy cheeks with a dash of pink across. Her lightly hazel colour eyes glow, and deep in it I see a sparkle of beauty. She was 13, barely in her early teens, sweet looking face and a tiny teeny body-shape. The size of her however lack true description of her personality, she packs a true punch, giving me a good back-rub of hard smacks not long after knowing her for reasons I have no idea off till now. I have faint memories of her in the early years of knowing her; all I know was that she was a troubled teen and having quite a variety of peer troubles. But she was cute in the little sister sense, and was very charming when smiling. It lights up my mood to see her smile.
I have come to know her from "T", a close acquaintance of mine. Being frequently around her with "T" to share her troubles has earned me the title of "kepochi", Cantonese for nosey. We trade pleasantries all the time when we meet, we were both friendly and it was easy to get along. Being one who has always been deaf to rumours of the society, I was clueless of the numerous nasty rumors surrounding her and have a good impression of her. Seeing her unhappy most of the time, I self-appointed myself as her big brother to make her feel comfortable and provide her emotional support in times of need. It didn't cross my mind to be where we are today. She is after all 4 years apart from me. Furthermore, even peers of my age don't understand my complicated inner complexion, how can she possibly play ball at a standard of my inner circle?
Yet, the hand of fate flips according to its will, having denying any romantic acquaintance to "T" before, yet turning back on my words, history repeats itself. With time, we grew fond of each other, learnt to trust and have faith in each other, amaze and amuse each other. There was once where I lend her my cell phone to call a friend, and trusted her to take care of it, she spent about rm10 and I said it was ok. I had much more credit in it anyway. I found out later that she was amazed with my trust in her and not pursuing for a return of money for the call cost.
The relationship didn't officially start till I was back from National Service(NS). During NS we barely contacted, and even before that after I left school we were living our own lives. Contact was minimal. I attended my school prize giving ceremony and barely remembered her. I passed her by in a car, and only got a glimpsed of her. I thought she forgot about me, that she is leading her own happy life. I was pretty surprise to see her, she really did seem much happier since I've last seen her. I recall that she text-ed me first raising concerns that I dint greet her when we met at school. I apologized and explained the situation to her. From there on the text went on to and forth about each others life, from family issues, to school life, to relationship problems.
I don't know what connect us; I can only say it was fate. A spur of the moment. After some time as a 'relationship consultant' to help her deal with her current boyfriend, she was in desperation and despair. It hurt me to see her unhappy and spilling her sorrows to me made me feel reliable. It made me feel attracted to her. As if I could protect her from all her sorrows. Make her happy. Make her smile. For the very first time, i feel needed, i feel dependable being depended on, and confident in making my very first step of "changing the world" through love, one person at a time. Love is the strongest force of all, stronger than any physics' forces of the universe put together. It is also the purest beauty of all forces.
As all couples do, we slowly learn of each others personality. Learning of the deeper and darker side of each other. I gave her full trust, but had to earn her trust slowly. Being in my first relationship, I had no doubts and had no insights of what may happen in a relationship, thus my trust for her was unshakable. She had gone thru tough relationships and trust was one thing I had to earn and not simply granted. We set ground rules for each other and had a code of honour. We call it the Love Rule. 5 simple rules to live by. It worked well and it helps build a bridge between us during tough fights.
Even so, I only earn my keep after a year. With a record of one break up that lasted for 2-3 weeks. They were icy cold weeks of winter, the chill can never be more frostbit to my heart. We were going too fast, and it crippled her to leave her past so quickly without ending things in a proper manner. It was my fault being so hasty, one day she was with someone else and next day she was mine. She was not slutty nor stepping two stones at a time, she was simply desperate to feel comfort and warmth after a long time being deprived from it even from her own family. I provided it, and it was a basic instinct of every individual to need attention and a comfort zone to return to. Just like how providing for her gives me a comfort zone too.
Seconds, minutes, days, weeks, months, and years went by. Sweet beautiful years that we have live together without any regrets. All that matters was us in our beautiful world of together-ness. We help solve each others problems and shared woes and fears. Made plans for our studies, future and children. We even went to the distance of naming our dream children which ended with a sounding 'No' from each other due to various names from her ranging from "Honey" to Titanic blockbuster character names of "Rose" and "Jack" and from me ranging from "Delacroix" to Final Fantasy VII character "Tifa". We made promises to each other to cherish each other no matter what the future unfolds, commitment to each other that we are 'One' and will never separate. We share so many new experiences and have so many strong new feelings for each other; I cannot imagine I can ever feel the same with another. I'm sure she feels the same.
Movies always start with stars in our mind and ends with butterflies in our skin. We look forward to watch a romance show but never quite made it to the third CD of Titanic. I'm sure if we watched it again we still never will. For each other we change for the better, from hygiene to attitude. It is an educational insight in terms of self learning and unlocking the mysteries of Venus inhabitants. Getting into the mind of 'them' is tricky, as they always say: "Woman never mean what they say". In the process, I've also discovered certain taboos are not true surrounding Venus folk, as temperamental they maybe at certain timings of a month, their passion and graceful actions of love can overpower even the most hard-headed man.
We never clicked in musical sense. I was the metal-rock-electronic fusion geek and she was... I don't even know clearly. But love songs were definitely our common ground. Some classics never die, and we both grew up listening to our parents gig, and loved them. She is also an astonishing lyricist which she kept a secret for a long time. The Book of Secrets notes her happiness and sorrows in lines of bridges and chorus since early years.
We both excelled in our studies due to encouragement and tempting incentives from each other, and with my slight guidance from time to time we were on the fast track of approval with both sides of the family. Wrestling over control and attention of daughter's parent was not part of the idea and we tried out best to mend ties with family members and at the same time make new ones.
If there are no fights in our relationship, that is a lie. Living with each other is not always in heaven and clashes can spin out of control. We still managed it because at the end we understood each others wants, needs, and fears or phobias. That was what made us come together and have always been the sole bond of our beliefs in each other.
She made me believe I am something more than I have defined myself. That I can too be loved, just like anyone else. That I am worthy and have so much more to offer the world. That my past nor background does not define who I am. She stood by me in times of need, materialize motherly warmth when I'm hurt for me to cuddle and curl like a infant. She sacrificed herself for me, knowing that they are things I don't feel up to it, putting herself in danger. Behind my back, she defended me and speaks in support of me. Turing from a tear-eyed girl into a define iron-will woman. She is one I will always love and treasure. She is my pride and earned the highest respect I can ever give to anyone.
Flakes of quartz drop from the hourglass. Time keeps going, and sand flows with the tides of time. Two years. The journey ended on the very same day it was embarked. Two years of succulent sweet memories, now pending to be filed and keep in a corner of infinite space above. Where it will play an important role in my life, whether by choice or by natural acquisition. Tides of time hit the shore again, washing away footprints in the sand, residing to reveal an ever changing uncertainty ahead. The only way to find out, is to keep walking...
